Let’s face it: there are barriers that prevent women from taking up golf as well as staying in once they’ve taken the plunge. Not the least of which is the attitude that still exists among some men.
With the recent Kelly Tilghman/GolfWeek situation, the golf world at least seems to me making strides towards quelling its racist history and reputation. Not so for sexism, which is still reinforced and even encouraged. The attitudes in professional golf set an example and trickle down to the amateur level. Allowing or ignoring it at the top just isn’t going to help. When women speak up about the comments or treatment we receive, we’re mostly ridiculed for having a chip on our shoulders or being “whiners,” and if we keep quiet, we just perpetuate the problem. When you can’t even win for losing, it’s understandable that women might want to turn away from the game altogether. But we musn’t!
Ladies, just play. Don’t let them get to you. Speak up if that’s your style. Let it all roll off your back if you don’t like to rock the boat, but play!
Golf is such a mental game. The slightest distraction can hinder performance and when you encounter misogynist pigs on the links, it’s difficult not to let it seep into your brain and mess with your swing (and score), leading to another barrier: frustration. Some women leave the game because the ratio of hassle to improvement doesn’t seem worth the time and effort. The good news is that golf manufacturers, retailers, pro shops and teaching professionals are recognizing the buying power of our demographic and are catering more and more to our needs. The avenues are there for you, you just have to persevere and not worry about the lack of fairness that such a barrier exists.
Personally, I enjoy golf so much that no “unfair barrier” could ever make me leave it. If you break through the barriers you experience, chances are you will feel the same. Which brings me to another one: confidence (or lack thereof). Many women feel intimidated at the thought of getting out on the course. There can be many reasons for this, and they’re all kind of inter-related, such as lack of athletic background, anxiety about rules and etiquette, fear of embarassment or ridicule, performance anxiety, and beginner jitters. None of those were ever a problem for me. I have an athletic background, I’m an avid learner so my knowledge of rules and etiquette surpassed most casual players rather quickly, I don’t have much shame, I thrive on the challenge of performing, and I love the feeling of butterflies in my stomach. But if that doesn’t describe you (most are mental and you could become that way if you wanted, but that’s another story for another blog), there are still ways to surmount these issues and get up to speed. Now that I’m thinking of it, I should do another post on just that topic. This one’s getting long as it is. The point is, lack of confidence is only a hurdle, not a wall.
Just this week, I had a conversation with a colleague that went something like this:
She: You’ve only been playing for three years? Did you play before and you only just picked it back up?
Me: No, I first picked up a club about three years ago.
She: So I can do it! It’s not too late!
(she’s younger than I am)
Me: Of course you can!
She: Well I love going to the range and hitting balls. It’s so much fun. But I really want to play.
Me: You should! Why haven’t you?
She: I’ve been told I’m not worth the tee time. (laughs)
Me: (good that she sees the light side of that) Ohh.. that’s just wrong. Get out there. A lot of the clowns out there aren’t worthy and it doesn’t stop them.
She: I’m going to. I’m really gonna do it.
Hooray! Another volunteer to our troops! Then the discussion turned to gear selection and such, which is something many beginners (women and men) struggle with. She, like me, is going to go out and immediately acquire the best money can buy that feels good for her swing. And get a proper fitting while she’s at it. Of course, this isn’t for everyone and most people would recommend some kind of starter set while you develop your swing before you invest your hard earned clams on the latest and greatest.
Now, this is a highly intelligent, confident and successful woman who has been at least somewhat discouraged from entering the game for some amount of time. And if I remember correctly, the statement about her not being “worth the tee time” was from someone in her own family! But she’s been having fun on the range and, never having stepped foot on a golf course, already has the bug.
Sometimes all it takes is a toe in the shallow end to make you want to dive in. It’s an easy bug to catch and the stronger it gets, the further you get from the hurdles in the dust behind you.
February 23, 2008 at 7:53 pm
It’s sad to me that anyone would be discourage someone from playing golf. That’s an old “us versus them” mentality that has little to do with hitting a ball around a golf course.
I caught the tail end of a story on the local news radio station while in the car recently that said that a couple of organizations report that there are something like an estimated 4 million fewer golfers in the U.S. than there were in 2000 (NY Times article here).
If that’s true, then we, as players, need to start encouraging others to start playing (more than we already do). If the trend continues, the number of golf courses will shrink, and eventually the price will go up, pricing most of us out. Then, it’s back to being a game for the “elite”.
February 23, 2008 at 8:33 pm
You are right on! However, there is one other thing that I’ve noticed. Very few golfers want to take the time away from their game to help a newcomer understand and experience the play. I was very lucky to have someone close to me guide and encourage me. Maybe a neat promotion would be “Tee for Two” (two play for the price of one, if one of the two is a new or newer player).
February 24, 2008 at 3:51 am
Yes, so important to evangelize for this game if we want it to remain accessible.
The problem is with a certain type of country club male who would prefer that the game remain an elitist male bastion. Those guys could care less if the number of golfers is declining and they would applaud it.
February 24, 2008 at 4:37 pm
I have been the director of intruction at one of the most elite private clubs in the country (The Ocean Reef Club) to public golf courses and you see the same thing at both, you have your great people and your not so great to say it politely. This is true in every sport. Ladies, you are great students and players just get out there and do it!!!
http://www.stevewozeniak.com
February 24, 2008 at 4:53 pm
“misogynist”, I have got to use that word in my blogs.
GolfChick, I am with you all the way on this issue. As one of the 36 million men golfers in the world, I am embarrassed at how a small group of men think of women not only on the golf course but in business. I will have to say though, the misogynist pigs are not just in the Country Clubs.
What I don’t want to see is women closing the doors to playing or being associated with all men golfers in retaliation for the way they are being treated by what is truly a small portion of the golfing population.
In the arena’s where women are touted as ‘not worth the tee time’ I would support women golfers joining forces to impact the economy of that facility by showing the buying power women have over the men who sit in the grill throwing wolf calls to the women on the first tee while eating the free popcorn and drinking the cheapest beer. I am sure the management of the course will then have to take action to run that attitude out in order to keep their facilities profitable.
As mentioned previously, what will help push this attitude out of golf is to keep this issue out in front of more new golfers so they are aware there are people like you and me in the world of golf who explain how to deal with this dreadful attitude from these misogynist men golfers. Let me know how I can help.
February 26, 2008 at 9:15 pm
It’s a shame and absolute b.s. that your colleague was told she wasn’t ‘worth the tee time’, especially from someone in her family.
Whoever the family member is, I’m sure their concern was playing golf with a slow, inexperienced player and not wholly an issue of ‘sexism’. You have to admit, playing with or behind a slow, inexperienced player is like pulling teeth.
Ultimately, there’s a tee time for all skill levels when it comes to golf. Your colleague should do their research and find courses that cater to beginner golfers or perhaps there are support groups for beginner and/or women golfers.
The point is that your colleague needs to find a network where her inexperience will be welcomed.
Believe me, they’re out there.
February 27, 2008 at 3:07 pm
Here’s a question for you – why do you think you have to have a group of people behind you to go out and play golf ? Do you really think that NO men are criticized for being slow on the golf course ? How ridiculous.
If you give in to some moron, even family, who says that you’re not “worthy” of a tee time – then that is YOUR fault – nobody elses.
If you are so mentally and emotionally weak that you can’t tell some doofus to go jump in a lake when he/she makes a comment like that – then you probably shouldn’t be on the golf course.
Trust me – slow golfers are not welcome on either side of the gender fence, and watching people dribble the ball down the fairway is annoying. People like that belong on executive courses, par 3 courses, or the driving range until they can move the ball along at some reasonable pace. Has nothing to do with gender.
Oh – and since you are so worried about issues like this – think twice before you tell some guy that he doesn’t know how to shop or dress “properly”. You don’t hear men whining and carrying on looking for support groups for shopping, do you ?
Yes – stuff like this is whiny and shows a childish chip on the shoulder.
If you want to play golf – PLAY GOLF – just make sure you are halfway proficient, or choose a time and course where you won’t back up the course because you can’t hit the ball down the fairway more than 50 yards or get the ball in the hole in less than 8 putts.
It’s not the gender – it’s the ability.
February 28, 2008 at 6:01 am
thanks for the compliments, kristen! as one of the subjects in this post, i have to say it’s helpful to read subsequent comments, the one from “goods” in particular. great advice that i’ll apply.
fyi to courtney, i don’t think kristen was as concerned about sexism or even about a support group as she was about encouraging interested people (not women, or men, but anybody) to just get out there and play. you refine your skills over time. i respectfully disagree with you. it’s not the gender, it’s not the ability, it’s the patience and persistence.
for the record, it was my mother, not some “moron” or “doofus,” and we have a great relationship, one i wouldn’t want to damage by telling her to “go jump in a lake” just because she thought (and rightfully so) i wasn’t ready to graduate from the driving range!
February 28, 2008 at 3:07 pm
Rachel – if the phrase your mother used about you playing a round of golf was “not worthy”, that was a doofus thing to say to someone who is putting out the effort to learn the game. If you chose the word and attributed it to her, that’s a you problem. The readers weren’t there and have to take you at your word. And sometimes it’s not so bad to tell your mother/father/brother/sister to go jump in the lake.
Hmmm – let’s examine things a little – GC TITLED the article “Don’t Let SEXISM Keep you off the course”. Pretty good indicator that her concern was sexism. A bit provocative, to be sure, but it IS a major part of the post.
Not really sure what Kelly Tilghman had to do with it – if a male announcer had made the same slip of the tongue, he wouldn’t have finished the broadcast.
The first sentence is pretty clear on her point – “Let’s face it: there are barriers that prevent women from taking up golf as well as staying in once they’ve taken the plunge. Not the least of which is the attitude that still exists among some men.”
The point of the article is to call women golfers together to support each other – which is kind of the definition of a support group. Unfortunately, it didn’t say “let’s go get our games together so we can show these guys that we DO belong on the golf course – maybe even more so than some of these men who can’t get around in less than 6 hours, dozen balls, and a 12 pack of beer.”
February 28, 2008 at 3:42 pm
Rachel – thanks for joining in!
Courtney, DUDE! –
First, you left out the part of the title that said “or anything else.” I’m calling out for women to just play despite any barriers. I didn’t propose any “support groups” but if people want or need that, they should do whatever it takes as long as they play. (I hope you’re in a group for the shopping-impaired and that you told whoever hurt you like that to jump in a lake.)
As for Kelly Tilghman, that was a comparison of racism to sexism and not focused on her because of her gender.
And that’s it. You have a tendency to jumble up my points and skew them as you will. It’s exhausting trying to explain my posts to you line by line especially when I think you’re just having fun and actually know exactly what I said and how I meant to say it. I appreciate all your participation on this site. I just hope people read what I say rather than what you say I say.
Of course you’ll probably respond to this in a way that challenges me to respond and further clarify myself. Don’t hold your breath.
-Kristen
February 28, 2008 at 4:14 pm
ok you – dueling 9-irons at dawn ! 😀
and yes – I can see how being quoted directly can be confusing. 😉 (ducking)
maybe it was the “misogynist pigs” or “unfair barriers” lines that MIGHT be fueling the view that this is an attack on men.
and yes – I have told my mom to go jump in the lake…that her shopping impared son didn’t need any help…then I went and changed my clothes. As I told Golf Girl, we men give way on shopping out of fear. 😀
the article is what it is – a railing piece against PREJUDICED men (misogyny is hatred – very few men truly hate women)
I think we can all agree that change can be a scary thing – what men have a hard time with is this: women are allowed to have places all to themselves, sometimes at the point of a government gun (legal protection) – but the same doesn’t go for men. Men need places where they can be with men – just like women need places for women only. Augusta National, for example, has broken no laws with their membership rules – and they do allow women to play on the course – but they were the target of a farsical attempt at publicity a few years ago.
No one likes being forced to make a change. (including women) The problem seems to be that some men don’t get the point that most golf courses are public or semi-private, so they have no say in who plays the course. They have seen a few women who are terrible golfers, or buy a bucket of balls none of them get farther than 50 yards, and assume that ALL women are that way.
Maybe sometime you can put out your thoughts on that subject.
February 29, 2008 at 10:46 pm
Even though I seem to be the world’s most inept golfer–this post gives me reason to jump in at it again!!!
~Becky
March 1, 2008 at 12:30 am
Good for you, Becky. Go for it.
March 27, 2008 at 2:56 pm
Goods –
I’ve suffered behind PLENTY of male golfers that sprayed shots ALL over the course, and took WAY longer than they should have, given their inexperience…
The worst part about following MALE slow-players is that 90% of them are playing from tees that are WAY too far back for their inexperience….
Their fragile male egos send ’em back to the blues, when they should be playing from the whites or reds (or golds)…
In any event, we’ve ALL been there, so a little compassion would go a long way…
December 5, 2008 at 6:26 pm
Great job Becky – you make proud!
October 16, 2009 at 11:13 am
Hi, I heard that you just kick athh and do it with pazas and a glowing smile; I,v read and seen you,r work and think it is very impresive. I,m sure you,r near and dear you have great faith in you and very proud. You go and keep wowing us.
November 5, 2009 at 9:42 am
Yeh, I’m a guy and I have to agree some male golfers are real slow and frustrate the hell out of me too. Maybe we need two golf courses – not one for ladies and one for men, but one for slow players and one for the rest of us!
June 20, 2011 at 8:58 am
Why is pointing out that *some* men are sexist an ‘attack on men’?
I used to work in a golf club and watching the male golfers react to being beaten by the ladies team was a truly pathetic experience. They got in earlier – having lost – and proceeded to make vile, gender specific comments.
It’s easy to say women should get their game together – easy enough if you’re allowed on the course.
July 11, 2011 at 7:29 pm
I’m totally with you on this. I’m so tired of men treating us like second rate citizens on the golf course. I’d wanted to play for several before I finally took it two years ago but didn’t because I was too intimidated. I’m now playing with a great group of ladies and we even have our own league. One other thing I want to point out…there are a lot of men out there that play A LOT slower than we do!
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December 13, 2011 at 11:16 pm
I agree! I also think there should be more
lady golf articles like this.