The Golfchick

That chick blabbing about anything golf related.

Category: Don’t get me started (page 1 of 3)

Tee It While We’re Young

July 6, 2013 / / 24 Comments

One of the biggest issues currently in the game, anyone from the casual golfer to the touring pro will agree, is slow play. In the last couple years, the golfs various governing bodies have devised their own attempts at resolving the slow play issue. The PGA of America came up with “Tee It Forward”, the USGA with “While We’re Young”, and the PGATOUR with “Its Not Our Fault”. I recently had the ‘opportunity’ to play golf with a coworker (lets call him Jim) who, in a good month plays once, and if he kept accurate score would shoot 120 under the best of circumstances. This experience made me acutely aware of one thing…. The average golfer has no clue what they are doing.

Let me explain why I, as of this round, am completely against all “initiatives” taken by golf’s governing bodies.

1 – I can count on one hand how often Jim, in all of his 116* shots that day, actually saw where his ball finished. He could have teed off from the 150 markers, and the only way that would have sped up the round was the fact we have 4 fewer shots per hole to look for. I cannot imagine how long that round would have taken had it been him and 3 similarly skilled golfers in the same group. I was raised on a golf course, and the ability to watch and find golf balls was instilled in me at a very young age. Had I not been there, he’d have either lost close to 30 balls that day, or he’d STILL be playing that round, 4 days later.

2 – The inability for Jim to understand efficiency around the course, especially the greens, astounded me. Without getting too wordy, let me give the most ridiculous example of an event when I considered a sand wedge to my forehead may be a better option than golf with Jim. 5th hole, Jim had chipped onto the green, about 60 feet from the hole (after subsequent 5 minute ball searches in the right rough). Jim brought his wedge and putter, like any golfer should do. After putting his 60 footer about 20 feet short, Jim walked up to his ball (it was still his turn), marked it, and promptly walked back to his wedge, which was sitting 40 feet away on the green between himself and the cart, retrieved it, and took it back with him to his mark that was comfortably resting 20 feet from the hole. WTF?!?! THE WEDGE WOULD HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU ON YOUR RETURN TO THE CART!!!

3 – At least once per hole after a poor shot, Jim would magically pull a ball from his pocket, drop it from where the previous ball was played, and make another horrific attempt at a golf shots (after yet another excessively long and unnecessary pre-shot routine).

4 – For someone who was very liberal with not counting tops, whiffs, chunks, etc… the time spent over 2 foot putts was absolutely ridiculous.

5 – This next point has virtually nothing to do with slow play, but it confuses me to no end, and no matter how many ways I asked the question, I could never get an answer. Jim was driving the cart, and when he pulled up to the green, every time, he’d pull the cart off the path completely before he stopped. Why?!? Parking a cart on concrete doesn’t kill grass. Parking a cart on grass does. Forget the agronomy of the parking issue, I don’t expect most people to understand that…when I park my car I don’t look for the nearest grassy area, I leave it on the concrete, which was obviously designed for the parking of my car. The same goes with the cart!!

Conclusion:

At no point did Jim consider himself to be a slow golfer, and when asked “hypothetically” about ways he could speed his round up, he could make no recommendations. Nor had Jim ever heard of the “Tee It Forward” or “While We’re Young” campaigns. This round of golf, and my discussions with him, made me realize one very important thing….

The average golfer has no interaction with golf other than their 5 hour, once per month rounds. The USGA and PGA can have all the initiatives they want, but promoting them solely on golf broadcasts or in golf publications only reaches the people who already know they are slow and who want to improve. The average golfer doesn’t watch golf telecasts, doesn’t watch The Golf Channel, doesn’t subscribe to golf periodicals, they smuggle a 6pack of beer onto their local muni once a month and smack a ball around in a game that loosely resembles golf.

Do I have an answer to this dilemma? Maybe. Does it involve anything less than physical torture and removal from golf courses? Potentially. I haven’t thought through it enough to post my solutions…however, I would love to hear your ideas and solutions as it relates to the slow play problem. Is there a solution? What do you think?

Don’t Let the Sun Go Down On Me

November 4, 2012 / / 2 Comments

Sun makes me happy.  Being able to golf year-round is one of the reasons I live in “sunny Southern California.” The ending of Daylight Saving Time every year saddens me. It marks the beginning of the end of twilight golf for the season. I know – people have real problems, and I feel guilty feeling depressed about something so innocuous while people and communities are still trying to survive the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy. But this is a golf blog and this is a golf problem. And, hey – people are playing football and gambling on the games and life goes on all around us.

So, I’ll allow myself this annual pout.

While I’m at it, I figured I could add something you may find useful in this time of unimaginable trouble. In case you haven’t seen it already, this nifty tool is  simply called Sunrise Sunset, and gives you that and more for your choice of golf course! It’s pretty handy for personal use or for club pros and golf course web designers. It tells you when the sun rises and sets, gives you local twilight times and other settings you can customize. I love finding such handy info on a course’s website! If you’re looking to find (or set) twilight rates and hours, this is your tool. Right around when the time changes (like today) you might be wondering when it’s going to get dark at your favorite course and whether or not you’ll have time to play after work before the sun goes down. This can help.

The site has specific course information for a massive selection of USA, Canada, and England (I’d be surprised if your favorite course isn’t there), as well as major cities in other countries. You can see in the first image the options you have once you’ve chosen your course. The other image is just a clip of the calendar I created here. Give it a try for yourself and have fun squeezing in rounds if you’re lucky (and smart) enough to live in place that hasn’t been buried in snow yet!

My next (scheduled) pout will occur on December 21st, the shortest – and saddest – day of the year, irrespective of circumstances, of course. You know, that painfully dreary winter solstice right when I’m thinking it’s almost time to start my last minute Christmas shopping. And, as the dreadfully upbeat people like to tell me, that just means every day after that will have more and more daylight. Pththtp!! 😉 Leave me alone. You can’t fix this. That is, unless you can make it so that daylight saving time becomes permanent.  Then I’d love you long time. Day or night.

Ignore Me at Golf’s Peril

October 24, 2012 / / 6 Comments

Editor’s Note: Once again, it’s my pleasure to introduce a new addition to the guest bloggers of The Golf Chick Golf Blog! As our next alternate perspective, I happily present to you Mary, a.k.a. Breadchick. She had a long running, highly regarded food blog, and now brings her fun perspective and sassy opinions to us in the golf arena! Gather what you may from Mary’s bio, her previous writings and her awesome presence on twitter (@breadchick), but she comes to us relatively anonymously to share her unrestricted opinions. Not that any of us pull punches here, but her anonymity might provide her with an ability to speak more freely from her world. This should be fun! Welcome, Mary, and thank you for contributing on TGC!

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So,  you boys say you want to save golf.  If so, you better start thinking like the girls.

Once again, I am leaving a pro shop;  having dropped close to $100.00 on balls, gloves, tees and a new shirt,  feeling like I’m a third class passenger on the Titanic locked below decks while all the swells in first class have been serenaded into their waiting lifeboats.  What has me clinging to the flotsam of the ocean of golf wondering if there is any safe harbor for me you ask?   The total lack of regard and respect for the largest untapped segment in golf, women.

For all the talk about growing the game with “Tee it Forward” and “Golf 2.0” initiatives and the lamenting  by the golf industry over the ”down economy contributing to the loss of players”, there has been little if any real on the ground and in the trenches initiatives to help show the good ole boy network behind the counters in the thousands of pro shops, starter shacks and golf retail super stores across the country that every day potential golfers, in the form of women, walk through their front door only to be turned away by a blank stare, a condescending action, or by ignoring their existence.

A prime example of this attitude happened two weeks ago when I was shopping for two new wedges so I could play a round with my back-up clubs.  I had been separated from my normal sticks because after a golfing vacation I decided to try the “ship it home” option with that well-known shipping company that sponsors the PGA playoffs.   I am also in the market for new wedges since I’m still playing with a pair of non-conforming grooved Mizuno MPTs.   So, this was a perfect opportunity to kill two proverbial birds.

On my way home from work on a Tuesday afternoon, I stopped by one of the national chains of golf retailers to try out a few different wedges and buy a new 56* and a new 60*.  Since it was late afternoon mid-week the store was basically deserted.  There were three men working around the front restocking and watching the Braves on the TV in the shoe section of the store.  In the back, there was one gentleman working with a customer in the club repair department and two male employees hitting balls in the bays.   Five of the six employees saw me and one even said, “Welcome to So-So” but didn’t offer “Let me know if I can help you with anything”.   After wandering through the club section for about five minutes looking for the wedges (and in full disclosure, fondling the RazrX irons that will soon be taking up residence in my bag), I found the wedge brands I was interested in and proceeded to pull a few from the slots to get a feel for how they felt in my hands, the weighting of the club, and gently feeling the bounce on the carpet.   Not one employee came up to me to offer assistance or suggestions even though two employees, including the one that greeted me, were working in the area arranging clubs.

Narrowing down my choices, I took the three I liked best and proceeded to head back to the area of the store set up for trying out clubs.  Where I proceeded to stand around and stand around and stand around some more despite the two guys hitting balls in adjacent bays who clearly saw me holding clubs in my hand, one guy heading back to the storeroom who made every effort to ignore that I was standing there holding clubs in my hand and the guy in the club repair who stared right through me.

It wasn’t until I went into the wedge area to retrieve some balls so I could hit a few that someone finally came up to me.  However, it wasn’t to offer help but rather to say “You can’t go in there without an employee helping you”.   To which, I replied,  “Well if an employee actually cared about the fact I had been standing here for almost ten minutes waiting to be helped, I wouldn’t have gone into the wedge area”, handed him the clubs and walked out.

I’d like to say that the incident described above was a one-off experience but it isn’t.

Too often I’ve stood around in club sections of stores all over the country with clubs in my hands to try out for long periods of time, only to be told “The women’s section is over here” or to have to actively seek out someone for assistance, even after being seen or acknowledged.  I’ve been subjected to seeking out the very back corner of pro shops for a meager selection of women’s gloves and softer compression balls.   I’ve been glared at when I have walked into pro shops inquiring about “getting out as a single” and I’ve been directed to women’s locker rooms that were the standard of gas station bathrooms.    I’ve played from tee boxes so crooked, over-grown with weeds and crabgrass and un-level that I’ve had to take funny stances to stay balanced through my swing or have played from tee boxes that have been placed so close to a hard dog leg that I’ve taken a pitching wedge off the tee to avoid hitting the ball OB.   All to play a game I love so passionately and want to help grow so much it hurts and that I’m so obsessed by that I’m sure my family and friends fantasize about wrapping a five iron around my neck sometimes.

So, I have a few suggestions for the golf industry on getting the largest untapped market, women, on your courses and spending our hard-earned money in your pro shops  and retail box stores.

  1. Don’t assume I’m in your store or pro shop to buy something for my husband/boyfriend/father/etc.   You wouldn’t assume my father was shopping for anyone but himself so don’t assume it of me.
  2. Don’t assume that I’m going to be shopping for women’s clubs if I’m in the club section of your shop.   Of all the women I play with on a regular basis, only three play women’s clubs.  The others are like me and play men or senior flex shafts and clubs.   You would never dream of directing a man of a certain age to the senior clubs without asking him “what do you play”.  Do me the same courtesy.
  3. Don’t assume I don’t know anything about golf equipment technology.  I’m a tech geek.  I subscribe to every golf magazine and haunt the golf equipment forums online.  I know my Trackman numbers.  I know about shaft flex, tips, and torque.  I play high-tech graphite in my driver and fairway metals and steel in my irons.  I’m a feel player but I also want the best technology to help my game.
  4. While we’re on the subject of talking about golf technology, don’t talk down to me if you do explain something or I ask a question.  I’m not a five year old child. I’m a woman with an advanced degree in engineering from MIT and I’m guessing when you are talking to me about composite material engineering or ball flight trajectory I could tell you a thing or two about both.
  5. Having a few more shirts, balls, gloves and hats for women in your shop isn’t going to kill you.  I like to buy a shirt and/or a hat from the courses I play but too often all that I have to choose from is a visor or two and sleeveless collared shirt in two sizes (xs and s).   I lose balls and have to buy a sleeve at the turn but that sun faded box of Wilson Hope from five years ago isn’t a soft compression ball selection and I’m not paying $5 for them.
  6. Speaking of women’s clothing, not all of us are flat chested, no hipped, Lady GaGa biceped women.  Stock a few styles and sizes for those of us with normal chests/hips and with sleeves .  I’m not asking you to have a HUGE selection of women’s clothing, etc.  I know you have to turn your stock but more than a glove or two and one xs short-short skort would be nice.  I’m also betting if you had a little better selection for women, you’d move more women’s stock.

In regards to on course suggestions for bringing  women onto the course, here a few ideas:

  1. Don’t assume I’m playing from the forward tees.  Unless I’m playing with my mother,  I play from the tees between 5100 – 5600 yds.  Sometimes this is the forward tees, sometimes it is the senior tees and sometimes it is the members’ tees.   If you are the starter, ask me what tees I’m playing from or what my typical yardage is and suggest the appropriate tees.
  2. Don’t assume it’s the women on the course slowing down play.  I have yet to play in a group of all women that haven’t had the sense to “pick up” when they get to a certain number of shots (usually six) or just shrug when a ball is lost in the woods.  I’ve never played with a woman who has taken endless practice swings to then top a ball and send it skittering 20 yards forward or hit six putts on a green to hole out.  However,  I’ve stood behind countless groups of men taking every shot, even when they are on their tenth shot halfway down the fairway or taken fifteen practice swings to duff one off the toe of the club. I’ve watched four men spend 20 minutes looking for a duck hook into woods so deep Bigfoot probably lived there and watched endless groups of men putting out like the US Open was riding on the fifth putt from 1’.  (Exception to picking up and putting out: tournament play and handicap rounds).
  3. Take as much care with the maintenance of the forward two sets of tees as you would with the  back tees and the tips.  If you wouldn’t want to tee off from that box because of the condition and slope of the box, then I probably don’t either.
  4. A one stall bathroom with a naked light bulb and a floral box of tissues is not a woman’s locker room.  I’m not expecting dark wood paneling and a fully stocked bar ala Sea Island’s legendary men’s locker room but if your webpage says “locker room facilities” I’m at least expecting a place to sit down, change my shoes, and maybe even take a shower.
  5. Finally, be happy to see me walk into your shop/onto your course.  I’m there because I love golf as much as you do and want to spend my money in your facility.  If I have a good time on your course or if I am treated well in your shop/store I’m going to be back and I’m telling my golfing friends about you.  If you don’t treat me well, I promise, I’m going to let all my golfing friends, male and female, know about my experience.  And anyone else who will listen…
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Another editor’s note:  Even though you may be somewhat anonymous, I still know who you are and hereby present you with your first day chip!

We’re not anonymous, we are identified. We’ll talk about golf to anyone who will listen. We’re addicts and our golf tans are badges of honor. Happy to know you. Welcome, Mary!

One shot at a time. Keep coming back!

Next post.

Super Excited for the Fedex Cup. Wait…

September 18, 2012 / / 1 Comment

I had that entirely wrong. I’m not at all excited for the Fedex Cup. Here’s why…

The final event, The TOUR Championship is being played this week, and will determine the winner of the Cup. If one of the top 5 guys wins, he wins the cup. Beyond that,  I need someone else to run the numbers for me and provide scenarios. What’s the fun in that? Do you think the players just trust the experts to know where they stand? It must be even more frustrating for them. For example, here is the scenario required for Luke Donald to win (produced by the PGA Tour and published in the Fedex Cup breakdown over at golfweek.com):

Now, just to make things even MORE confusing, take a look at the asterisks. Does that mean if those things happen, Luke will be in a tie for the Fedex Cup, and if so, with whom? Or, does that mean the results of the Fedex Cup have to be in before we can determine if he wins the Fedex Cup? My head hurts.

I’ve said Fedex Cup too many Fedexing times.

Remember, all these complicated calculations that we leave in the hands of the experts (and the seemingly arbitrary amount of points they earned in each event that put them in their current rank were determined by the same people) also decide the top 125 players to get their Tour Cards for 2013. Seems to me the Authority have a little too much power in this process. Sure hope they don’t have favorites!

In the spirit of offering solutions rather than just complaints, here’s my own stupid idea I proposed back in 2007.

What do you think of the whole Fedex Cup thing?

Next post.

The slow player, the oblivious, the under-achiever, and the parent.

September 16, 2012 / / 6 Comments

Lots of things annoy me, I’m just that way.  I’m not sure if its because I think my way is better, or because I think your way is worse.  In fact, everyone annoys me.  Well, not you, but everyone else.  Maybe I shouldn’t say lots of things annoy me, maybe a better way to say it is EVERYTHING annoys me.  Every day, all day, I’m annoyed.  Like many, I spend some hours every day in an office.  Don’t get me started on everything that annoys me in there.  But, like a lot of people, I use the golf course to get away from the world.  Notice I didn’t say relax, because some days, and we all have them, golf just doesn’t seem relaxing.  Sure, every swing, every shot, every hole is an escape from life and without that escape, who knows where I’d be today.  But, when I’m on a golf course, I expect that the idiots that invade my life on a daily basis outside of golf won’t interfere with my life inside of golf.

All too often, I am dead wrong.

The slow player, the oblivious, the under-achiever, and worst of all – the parent.  

The Slow Player:

Most slow players don’t know they’re slow players.  Some do, and they pretend that they are trying to get faster.  Some do, and they frankly don’t give two shits about your opinion, because they’re good enough they think they’re allowed to be slow.  That accounts for about 20% of this annoying category.  Divide the remaining players up, and you’re left with a variety of individuals.  There’s the “I’m really good if I take my time and really focus on this shot, just not on that last shot, because I didn’t take enough time” guy.  85 shots later, he’s still not as good as he thinks he is.  Maybe after that 30 second pre-shot routine, you should have stood over the ball completely motionless for 60 seconds, instead of 45.  Those extra 15 seconds would have made all the difference.  Or, maybe you should have backed off the shot when you thought of all the bad shit that could result from your terrible pass at that poor little ball.  That ball did nothing to deserve being hit like shit, repeatedly, into places Paul Bunyan, Jacques Cousteau, Sir Edmond Hillary, or even that drunk college buddy you used to have would ever consider going into.  Please, for the love of all things holy, explain just what the hell you’re thinking about while you’re standing over the ball.  Does your heart  stop?  Do you stop breathing?  How in the hell can you remain motionless, in your “athletic address position” for so long without falling over?  Don’t your muscles tense up?  Doesn’t your brain stop working?  As my buddy says “What the hell are you worried about?  Just hit the damned ball, its gotta go somewhere!”  Well, I’ve seen you hit the shots, yes, I can confirm your brain stops working.  How do I know this?  Because, when you get to the green, you walk 20 yards from the cart to your ball that’s 10 feet off the green (after 4 shots), chip it onto the green, then walk all the way back to the cart to get your putter, then walk back to the green so you can promptly 3-putt (that last one was good) your way to a solid opening hole 8.  Play smarter, not harder.

The Oblivious:

Guess what, the later in the day it gets, the longer your shadow is.  Guess what else?  Get that shadow the hell out of my line.  Maybe it doesn’t bother you, but it bothers me.  If I wanted to deal with shadows, I’d hit my shots into the trees like you do.  Stepping in my line again?  I can forgive that once, because I understand reading a green is a foreign concept to you.  Rumor has it, that the slope of a green can affect the direction a ball rolls on the green, so, contrary to every putt you’ve ever hit in your life, they’re not all straight.  Stay the hell out of my line.  If you’re not sure, ask.  I won’t get mad, in fact, I’ll be happy you’re trying.  And after you figure out what my line is, how about using a coin to mark your ball.  Not a tee, not the little button from your golf glove (that you wear while putting), not a fucking poker chip, a coin.  You won’t lose it.  Unless it’s the size and texture of a blade of grass (most countries use some type of metal for coins), you’re not going to lose it.  With that covered, when I ask you to move your mark, don’t toss your entire putter on the ground and move your mark 3 feet the other direction.  Try the head of your putter, use an object in the distance as a reference point, and move it 3 inches one direction.  I’ll remind you to move it back, I promise.  And while I’m putting, feel free to answer that phone call, drop your putter, talk, sneeze, cough, laugh, or anything else you want to do because really, you’re the only one on the golf course, specifically that hole, so do as you please.  It’s your world, I’m just living in it.  Hey, don’t forget to move that mark back.

The Under-Achiever:

Go ahead, throw that club.  It’s the clubs fault, you did nothing wrong.  Your flawless golf swing and impeccable ball striking ability was hampered by that 6 iron getting in the way.  ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?!?!  HOW DID THAT JUST HAPPEN?!?!  I’VE NEVER DONE THAT BEFORE!!!  Sure.  I bet.  You’re not good, you’re not just having a bad day,  just stop.  I can tell by watching you swing the club, you’re not fooling me.  Ty Webb, of Caddyshack fame, said it best – “You’re not, you’re not good Al.  You stink.”  If you think you’re good enough to get mad about being bad, you should be playing for money.  Not a $5 nassau using your 12 handicap strokes, money that you use to pay your damned bills with.  You hit 1 reasonably good shot out of the 110 you had that day, you’re really gonna be surprised when 109 of those shots don’t get hit how you had drawn up in your head?  Get over it.  You complaining, explaining what you were TRYING to do with that shot, and being angry it didn’t come off as you wanted isn’t going to impress me.  In fact, it’s going to make me consider driving the cart into the nearest pond, after I tie your leg to the floorboard, of course.

The Parent:

I’m all for parents getting involved in their kids lives, especially on a golf course.  Golf is first and foremost a game, meant to be played and enjoyed by people of all ages.  Go walk a few holes with your kid, carry some kid clubs in your bag, let him or her swing at the ball till they’re tired of it.  Laugh with them, encourage them, let them know you’re proud of them.  It was fun when we were kids, why not create new and great memories with your child on the golf course.  I’ve spent years teaching groups of grade school kids the game of golf.  The most important part, I’ve found, is encouraging them when they make good contact with the ball, and their eyes light up when they realize what they’ve just done.  Most kids don’t swear, but the reaction I see is “holy shit, what the hell, I just bashed the living shit out of that ball!!”  I don’t see a lot of parent/child interaction on the golf course, but I see way too much of it on the driving range.  I recently was at the tail end of a lengthy practice session, about an hour before dark, when a dad and son walked up to the range to his some balls.  The kid wasn’t very old, couldn’t have been more than 7 years old.  “Great,” I thought to myself, “The dad is gonna let the kid hit some balls into the setting sun, just to see them fly.”  Wow, was I wrong.  For an hour, the father berated that child for not hitting perfect shot after perfect shot.  Shots that I considered well struck for a 7-year-old weren’t anywhere close to good enough for the father.  The last place that kid wanted to be, as it got very close to dark, was on that driving range being told the things he needed to do better.  Pushing your kid to be good at golf isn’t going to negate that fact that you never lived up to your perceived potential.  At the end of the day, for everyone but that kid that night, it’s still a game.

What’s the point of this rant?  Well, nothing really.  The game of golf I’m obsessed with, the game that consumes my life, the game that is my escape from the world, is increasingly invaded by morons.  I’m not saying I’m perfect, because everyone knows that can never be true.  I have my quirks and annoying habits, and those most likely aren’t going anywhere.  I like to think that those idiosyncrasies don’t show up on the golf course, and if they do, I keep them to myself.  But, chances are, I annoy you, and I’m adult enough to admit it.  After all, it’s your world, and I’m just living in it.  Take notes, someday perhaps you can use me for inspiration for an angry golf blog post.

*Editor’s note: Wow, Levi, didn’t take you long to use your new outlet for an indulgent rant. You truly are a blogger now. :)

Next post.

There’s Nothing Average About Par

November 1, 2011 / / 14 Comments

I have been thinking about how hard golf is and how most people never break 80, let alone shoot par, and remembered this article I wrote that originally published over at World Golf. It has been so long now since I wrote it I thought I’d share it with you here now. Would love to hear your thoughts on the subject of par!

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What is par? The American Heritage Dictionary defines par as “an amount or level considered to be average” or in sports usage “the number of golf strokes considered necessary to complete a hole or course in expert play.”

How — or more to the point, why — did a word meaning average get morphed into expert when it pertains to golf? Experts in golf are a tiny fraction of the golfing population. The rest of us are left struggling to achieve such a high standard which is, perhaps, one of golf’s addictive properties. But does it even have any relevance?

Why do golf holes and golf courses have numbers set for par? Whether par on a hole is 3, 4 or 5, if you shoot 5, your score is still 5. And if your total score for 18 holes is 85, does it really matter if par is 70 or 72? You know if 85 is a good score for you or not. Aren’t personal goals more relevant than par? I guess par can be a good reference point when setting your own goals. For example, if you’re playing a long or tricky “par 4” hole, you might be happy to make a 5 or 6 there. I know some people set their own personal pars that might be equal to an “official” bogey or double bogey on any given hole. So what difference does par make to the average (not par) golfer?

According to the USGA, any hole measuring 400 yards or longer is a par 5 for women, regardless of what the scorecard states. If the scorecard lists a hole at 425 yards as a par 4 and a male and a female both shoot a 4, she gets to feel better about it and consider it a birdie? Yawn. At the end of a round, my score is still what it is so who cares? Handicap calculations are based on the USGA course and slope ratings for both genders from a given set of tees and the formula doesn’t consider par. In fact, the USGA offers a formula for determining the Bogey Rating of a course and recommends that “every golfer worse than a scratch” use it as a “truer yardstick of the challenge.”

I recently played a course with my boyfriend and we both played from the same set of tees at 6575 yards. Here is an example of the Bogey Rating in action:
Him: Slope Rating (121) divided by 5.381 (set value for men), plus the Course Rating (69.0) = Target score of 91.48. Actual score: 88
Me: Slope Rating (138) divided by 4.24 (set value for women), plus the Course Rating (75.2) = Target score of 107.74. Actual score: 100

*Interesting side note: if I use the men’s ratings with the women’s set value or the women’s ratings with the men’s set value, the result is much closer to my actual score.

I have my own, more precise calculator that uses my actual handicap index rather than just a standard bogey golfer index and it gave me a target score of 94, so the 100 I shot was 6 over. Greg’s target would have been 83 so his 88 was 5 over.

On the scorecard, par is 72, but there are 4 “par 4” holes from these tees longer than 400 yards which adds four more strokes to par for women for a 76. If we compared our scores to par instead of our targets, I would have been 24 over and Greg would have been 16 over. Like many golfers of our skill levels (our indices only differ by 2.3), he actually does compare his score to par. I just don’t see the point.

Considering that most golfers aren’t experts, if we’re going to put par on a card, shouldn’t we also list some kind of a bogey golfer par? Since par is synonymous with average, Par could be the higher number for the average player target score and the lower number that is currently called par could be called Expert Target Score (ETS).

In golf, there is nothing average about par.

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Don’t Be That Golf Pro

July 29, 2011 / / 12 Comments

Warning: This post contains “un-ladylike” language. Unless that lady is me.

A couple weeks ago I was at a local golf course getting ready to play in my monthly club tournament. Still getting to know my new swing and not having had a breakthrough yet, I gave myself some extra time at the range to try to get the feel for it before teeing off. I had just barely finished stretching and had only hit a few balls. I think it was pretty obvious I was concentrating on what I was doing, struggling, and adjusting.

Cue the douchetard.

ugly pigI’m pretty good at ignoring what goes on around me at the range. But one person’s hovering seemed to be getting closer and when I saw someone approach my golf bag in my peripheral vision I decided to pay attention. A guy actually grabbed a club out of my bag. Before I could even say anything, he stepped toward me and took the club from my hand! I was stunned and probably had my mouth open as I stood there in disbelief. He handed me the other club, squatted down and touched my leg! He was giving me some kind of instruction about my stance or what he wanted me to do but I couldn’t hear a word he was saying. What kind of idiot hands a woman a weapon and does that? He was not just some random guy offering tips or perving around. He was a teaching pro at the course. Think he’d attempt the same thing with a man? Even an unsolicited tip or offer of assistance? I doubt it!

I smile. A lot. I’ve been told it’s a rather cheery sight. I have also been told that when I don’t smile I look like I’m frowning. I have also been told that when I intentionally frown – especially out of anger – that I can look downright evil and have a pretty fine “death to you” glare. Short story shorter – The fuckwad made it off the range alive. But in a hurry.

So, if you’re a golf pro and you see someone like me as described above, what do you do? Don’t be that pro.

*Image from Metromix Chicago.

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Interesting Idea for Golf Tours to Collaborate

December 14, 2010 / / 4 Comments

Iain Carter, BBC 5 Live’s golf correspondent, posted some interesting thoughts yesterday on his blog on how the men’s and women’s golf tours could work together. Pro golfer (former Women’s British Open Champion) Karen Stupples shared her thoughts with him via twitter and I thought it was an intriguing idea:

“45 men 45 women. Alternating groups of men and women. Men’s yardage, women’s yardage. No cut, place according to score all one division not separate.”

There were some horrifying comments left by readers that illustrate how sexism is alive and well – not just in golf. This is an issue that never fails to ruffle my feathers, to say the least. I will be posting more about this after I talk to Ms. Stupples when she gets back in the states and perhaps some other pro golfers as well. I’d love to get some of your thoughts if you care to share them. Opinions are welcome – yes, even if they’re contrary to my own – but please keep it classy.

Meanwhile, here is a post of mine from awhile back with some of my thoughts on sexism in golf.

You can also follow Karen Stupples on twitter @KStupples , Iain Carter @IainCarterGolf , and me @TheGolfChick

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Nike Makes Bad Call on Tiger Commercial

April 8, 2010 / / 11 Comments

Yes, Nike’s foible spurred me to write before Tiger’s did. I’m more forgiving of human flaws and mistakes than corporations trying to make a buck off them. Of course this wouldn’t have been possible without Tiger’s reprehensible behavior, and if he had anything to do with this ad other than that, I blame him for it as well. Either way, I’m in no way expressing sympathy for Tiger because of this ad.

I’ve been quiet on everything lately. Even the Tiger “scandal” couldn’t draw me out to discuss my thoughts, of which I have plenty, I assure you. Then, just as I’m getting ready to share my thoughts on that as well as the Masters and everything else, out pops Nike’s controversial Tiger advertisement that seems to depict Earl Woods, Tiger’s deceased father, asking his son questions about Tiger’s intentions and moral charactertiger woods nike ad that, of course, Tiger never answers because they were completely out of context. Distasteful? Opportunistic? I think so. And if Tiger actually posed for this current ad wearing his Nike garb rather than Nike taking it upon themselves to use past images, that’s disgusting as well. (Not that Tiger doesn’t have disgusting in him.) Throughout Tiger’s troubles, Nike was one sponsor that stuck by him. Now Nike is trying to rebuild their Tiger-related image after all they already have, and plan to continue to, invest in him – I get that.

The Honest Review I Hate to Give

Truth be told, I’m actually a pretty big fan of Nike Golf products. For a long time I have enjoyed their golf balls. Plus, awhile back, they were kind enough to send me their VR STR8-FIT Tour Driver to review it against the TaylorMade competitor and simply asked for an honest review. It was still on my list of things to do because not only do I owe them some feedback (which would have been positive for them) but I felt compelled to give them any mention at all in this blog for the beneficial impact it had on my game. Here you go, Nike: you replaced TaylorMade in my bag in the driver section. Club vs. club, you win. The review would have been much longer and much more glowing had you not blown it with this Tiger thing (or had I done it sooner – but then I surely would have referenced back on it in this post). Here’s your bone – if I had a better driver, I’d gladly use. Sadly, I’m wont for better gear even though it pains me to say so. I truly wish I didn’t like it as much as I did. My TaylorMade driver practically screams to me to get back in my bag and the way I’m playing I’m tempted to listen especially since my game and swing suck so much lately it really doesn’t matter what club(s) I use.

Now What?

Now that Nike put such a sour taste in my mouth with this Tiger thing, I really wish everyone would stop buying Nike products, no matter how much you like them. At least until they do something to redeem themselves after “THE TIGER AD.” Strong stance, I know, especially from someone who has been dormant for so long and benefited from Nike’s generosity. Tell you what: if I don’t see some redemptive ad in the next few days (they’re bound to have follow-ups during the Masters this week and I’ll let you know how I feel), my old driver is going back in my bag.

Next post.

There’s A Nap For That

October 16, 2009 / / 15 Comments

Failed to break 90 again (or 100 or 80 or par)? – There’s a nap for that.

Can’t get a job? – There’s a nap for that.

Can’t pay your mortgage? – There’s a nap for that.

Can’t maintain a relationship? – There’s a nap for that.

Home flooded by an accident or mother nature? – There’s a nap for that.

Can’t afford to play golf? – Yeah, there’s a nap for that, too.

Home subsequently flooded with raw sewage because of an aggressively freaky tree root? – There’s a nap for that.

Insurance companies getting you down? – There’s a nap for that.

Homeless? – There’s a nap for that.

Feeling depressed? – There’s a nap for that.

Accepting a charity round of golf from friends and still can’t break 90 (or 100 or 80 or par)? – There’s a nap for that.

IRS after your ass? – There’s a nap for that.

Realizing you’re a screw-up and letting everyone down including yourself? – Oh, there’s definitely a nap for that.

Still can’t maintain a relationship and now you know why? There’s a nap for that.

Feeling like a complete failure and not doing anything about it? – Oh boy is there a nap for that.

Knowing how “easy” it is to maintain a golf blog and not writing on it for months? – There’s a nap for that.

Drunken blogging and baring your pathetic soul? Hopefully … Priceless. (Hook me up, MasterCard.)

It’s a blog. I never claimed to be a professional (at this).

Times are tough – sweet dreams to all. And even sweeter awakenings.

I originally intended on ending this with a promise to be better about posting more frequently, but let’s be real – there may be a nap for that.

Next post.

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