After failing to sign her scorecard on Friday, Michelle Wie was disqualified from the State Farm Classic. Only the LPGA failed to tell her about it until she had completed her round the following day.

After an imaginary journalist asked her how she felt about being used by the LPGA for the attention she brings to any event and milking another day of play out of her, Michelle Wie responded: “I was playing, like, really good out there, you know? I kind of, like, almost forgot how popular I am.”

At which point her father, B.J. Wie, took control of the “interview” to make some things clear:

“That just wasn’t right, what [the LPGA] did. She played a round she shouldn’t have. No one’s going to make Michelle do that except for me. With the scores she shot and the wave of publicity, now is the perfect time for her to play with the men again. I – I mean she – accepted a sponsor’s exemption to play the Reno-Tahoe Open next week on the PGA Tour. With Tiger out, she’s the biggest news in golf. With such a weak field and if she plays like she did this weekend, she could possibly even make the cut. But even if she fails miserably, her appearance there is good for my business – I mean her game. It’s just a bonus that our – um, her – participation in this relatively unimportant PGA event will steal some attention away from a women’s major since it’s played at the same time as the RICOH Women’s British Open. Sweet revenge. Two can play the media and fan manipulation game. We’re off the record, right?”

Imaginary reporter: “Way off the record. In fact, this conversation never happened.”

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