I could probably also title this “Confessions of a wack-job” but I guess personal blogs are often confessionals (and bloggers are often wack-jobs?).

Here it is: Irony notwithstanding, I am terrified of getting better and losing. And what if I never can get as good as I want to or expect to get? I think my biggest fear has always been failure. It has stifled me many times in the past. I’ll start something and devour it with a passion until I can see the point where, upon completion, the project could fail, which will make me a failure because I put everything into it. Oh, and I do have something of an addictive personality what with the way I throw myself into things. I’ve also been known to half-ass my way through something so that when it’s not the best I can claim I didn’t really give it my all. That’s me in a nutshell: one great big ball of potential that never really lived up to it. (Perhaps my attack on what I called Bode Miller’s subconscious lack of effort was just projecting.)

As I get better, I’ll be facing tougher competition. I’ll be getting fewer strokes and will be expected to deliver like any other seasoned player. I’m afraid that as expectations rise, my performance will fall. Maybe this fear is what causes me to play better under pressure than in any ordinary round. But it’s also what makes me quit before I find out the worst. Novels, screenplays, business ideas, career moves, art projects… all left unfinished.

I also tend to get bored with projects either after time or once the challenge is gone, so maybe golf is just the ticket for me since it’ll always be challenging no matter how good I do or don’t get. Unless that particular challenge gets boring, too. Argh. So far I’m still determined to finally follow through on something. But boy, does that sound familiar.

I don’t go around dwelling on this feeling or fear 24/7, it just reared its ugly head on Friday and I need to shake it off. I played on Saturday and Sunday and both rounds STUNK.

Um… do I really want to post this?

Next post.

Since my handicap index has continued to decline, I have actually progressed from “B” flight to “A” flight in my club. While the “B” flight members expressed some relief, the “A” flighters are gunning for me. After last month’s rainout, we had our first tournament of the season on Saturday. Last year, they had the A flight playing from the blue tees and B flight from the whites. This year, they’re having everyone play from the same tees and they’re going to switch ’em up so that each month we might play the blues, whites, even reds, depending on the course. Unfortunately, this month they chose the blue tees and this particular course didn’t have a rating from the blues for women so I had to be singled out again and play the whites. It’s only 275 yards total difference, but still. Anyway, I haven’t been playing as much as I’d like and I’ve been absolutely exhausted from my work schedule lately. Excuses, excuses… everyone’s probably a little rusty. We’re all looking forward to daylight savings time when we can squeeze in twilight rounds after work. Personally, I’m also looking forward to warmer weather in other areas so I can play out of town on travel days.

So how did I do?

I started off horribly, with a double on the first hole and a snowman on the second and really got down on myself. I let it get to me, so it didn’t get much better on the rest of the front nine, and I put up a string of sixes and only one par for a disappointing 52. Somehow, I managed to pull it together somewhat on the back nine with three pars, five bogeys and one triple on a par 3 (ugh) for a pretty solid 44.
My 15.7 index translated to a course handicap of 18, plus 4 strokes for the difference in course ratings (69.9 vs. 74.6). That netted me a 74, which I thought was terrible considering all those strokes, but it was enough to get into a card off for 3^rd place, which I won because I par’d the #2 handicap hole.

The value of warming up?

Usually I like to hit at least 30 balls as a warm up before a tournament. I needed every last ounce of sleep that morning and couldn’t get my ass out of bed earlier than I did to leave the house at 7:15 so I only had the time to take a few putts on the practice green before we tee’d off. My first 30 strokes on the course were a struggle, but I wonder how much difference it would have made if I took them on the range instead. Next time, right?

So, in the first tournament of the season and my first tournament in A flight, I took home 20 whopping smackers for 3^rd place. This was also a qualifying tournament for match play, but they told me the club champ gets in automatically. There are only 32 slots for match play (that’s the 5 tournament route to the club championship I won last year). At least I don’t need to worry about that. I’m not sure, but I don’t think I’ve ever not won something in all my tournament experiences. However, I have yet to win a closest to the pin (but I intend to) or long drive (and I don’t plan on it until we get enough women to have a women’s flight). Plus, now I need a second and a first place in “A” flight and of course I’d like to be A flight champ. So it was a decent start, but there’s much more on which to set my sights.

Onward and upward – or downward

I’m looking forward to playing more and having more time to practice so I can try to keep lowering my scores. My index only went down by 0.6 this month and I’ve got some low differentials that are pretty old and going to drop off so I need to start putting up some lower numbers. I got my half hour of putting in this week just under the wire (yesterday afternoon) but I need so much more work. Time to get busy!

Next post.

We were supposed to have our first tournament of the 2006 season with the Treehouse Golf Club this past Saturday. The weather had been sunny and beautiful, sunny and beautiful, sunny and beautiful, sunny and beautiful and for Saturday, they predicted heavy rains and flash flood warnings were issued. The weather forecast for Sunday and beyond was sunny and beautiful, sunny and beautiful, sunny and beautiful and… you get the picture.

We were all prepared with our rain gear and ready to get out there. I even bought a brandy new Sun Mountain double tiered umbrella. I wore some older Greenjoy shoes so as not to sully my spiffy new Adidas or Callaways and packed an extra set of dry clothes and plenty of towels and gloves. I was ready to play (and win!).

When we got there, we were told the tournament was officially rained out but we were welcome to keep our teetimes and pay for the round. Our fees for the tournament would be carried over to next month’s tournament or the rescheduled rain-out. Naturally, we went out and played anyway. While we were preparing for the first tee and all through the first hole, it was pouring rain and starting out sloppy. After we all holed out, one member of our foursome called it quits (wuss) and three of us carried on. On hole 2, it stopped raining. By the fourth hole, the sun came out and the jackets came off. It poured again for about one minute just as we finished the 9th hole and we missed it completely at the turn. Then the rain was completely gone and the course dried out. There wasn’t any wind, which is unusual at this course. It’s unusual in this town in general, come to that. Anyway, it was a fine round and I shot a 94. My handicap calculator says my target for this course was 96, so I played to two under my index of 16 with a 14 differential.

The goose didn’t make the round with me. What with the predicted (and actual) rain, I didn’t want to risk damaging her on only her second time out. Plus, she’s so enormous, I thought she might get caught up in my snazzy snap-shut rain hood. So I still don’t know how she will impact my play and focus during competition. I guess I’ll find out next month at Elkins Ranch.

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The new phone book’s here, the new phone book’s here!

Okay, it’s not, but I feel a little like Navin R. Johnson in one of my favorite movies, The Jerk, when the new phone book arrived. I’m somebody now!

I haven’t received my actual copy in the mail yet, but the online version is up of the latest Fore magazine, the SCGA‘s bi-monthly publication. All members of this regional association receive the magazine as part of their membership fees.

This issue features yours truly because of my recent performance at the SCGA Tournament of Club Champions. That’s right! My name appears several times starting on page 10 and my picture even shows up on page 12. They might have had a more interesting story if they’d have known I only started playing golf a little over a year before that tournament. Okay, if you want to get technical, it was more of a mention than a story anyway. It’s not like they interviewed me or did any research.

My aces also made the book in the section called “sweet shots” on page 45. I don’t know why there’s a separate section for Lady Aces. Do we play a different sport?

So there it is. I’ve gotten my first press coverage in the golf world, or at least the golf region. Is that as far as I can go or will there be more in the future? I definitely don’t want to stop there. Stay tuned… 🙂 Well, now that I’m “somebody,” at least I know better than to hide behind soda machines (there’s cans in there, too!)

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I’ve been cooped up at home for several days now and, consequently, have watched a lot more television than usual. Mostly I’ve been watching movies, but today I had the golf channel on for awhile. I’ve never really watched much golf on television, particularly non-competition events. After what I saw today, I’m glad I haven’t. Sure, some of the information I learned by watching these instructional-type programs will possibly prove useful at some point in some game for me. However, if I had watched these programs when I first started golfing, I think it would have really messed me up! I would have tried to get too tricky too soon with all these shot-making tips. And with all that information in my head, I would have been thinking too much and not getting a feel for the golf swing. Now that I have somewhat of an idea what a swing should be, I could probably take these tips one at a time, understand and apply them in situations because they make sense. Of course, there’s another problem: they already make sense. I am probably already applying these concepts to a certain extent; I just couldn’t have described it. I don’t plan on teaching golf, so is that really important to me?

Then again, I am a big fan of learning and knowing things. Maybe if I better understand what I’m already doing, I’ll be able to execute it more consistently. And of course, I did pick up a few tidbits in those shows. Plus, since one golf tip can make a big difference, if I even learn one thing, I’m ahead of the game. One tip I learned today: If you’re putting towards the shine of the grass, you’re going with the grain, if you’re putting towards the shadow, you’re going against it. If you can’t see the shine, look at the cup. The grass will grow towards the deader-looking side. Thanks, Jim Furyk (Playing Lessons from the Pros). Of course, I’m not good enough at controlling my putting speed yet to worry about grass grain, but when I am, I’ll know. For now, it might come in handy when calculating amount of break, though. *Author’s note: the sun doesn’t just highlight the grain, it also affects it. Grain can be different on the same green at different times during the day so don’t think once you’ve read it one time you know for good.*

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’M GOING STIR CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Even in my first few months of playing, I would read the United Airlines’ copy of Golf Digest every month. There’s a lot of information in there. I particularly liked the “Breaking 100,” “Breaking 90,” and “Breaking 80” sections for their little Cliffs’ Notes type of tips. I think I paid more attention to the Breaking 80 section than anything, even when I was still shooting well over 100. Why focus on something that will only take you part way there? So it’s not like I was against having any technical information in my head.

And I read and loved Ben Hogan’s book, “Five Lessons,” and didn’t think that was too much information. I guess it’s just a matter of what can be stripped down to the vital information that I can keep clear in my head without overwhelming me. From what I saw on the golf channel today, I would have had way too many swing thoughts to actually strike the ball if I had watched back then. Maybe my learning style is just more geared towards reading and doing than watching and listening. That being the case, I guess it’s good I didn’t have a live instructor at the beginning, either. I can probably handle one now, though. If I get one, I’ll try to make sure he or she sums up each lesson to a few important points on which to focus. Then I’ll go home and take copious notes that I’ll never read but will remember better for even having written them.

You can learn a lot about yourself in the process of learning to play golf. You can also learn a lot about life, but that’s another entry altogether. Time to go pull my hair out.

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When I began golfing in August of 2004, I kept all my score cards so I could enter them into the system once I had a number to track my handicap. By the time I had joined a club and received my shiny new SCGA number in January, I had probably played around 30 rounds. We entered them all in at the same time and my first official handicap was 33.5 in January of 2005. My index for January of 2006 has now been officially posted by the SCGA and is 16.3. So in one year, I have dropped my index by 17.2 strokes. Not bad.

I have now been tracking my scores officially for one year. I count every stroke of every round and have been strict about posting every single one. The one time I took a mulligan during a round when we were wagering and everyone else had taken theirs, the scorecard I entered into the system still reflected what actually happened. I’m the one looking at my stats and they would be meaningless to me if they weren’t accurate. Now that I have a year’s worth of data, let’s take a look at my development as a golfer according to the numbers.

So, I had two months (March and July) in which my index actually increased (by tenths of a stroke), and the rest of the months I showed improvement. I didn’t play as often from January through March because of the rains and course closures and damage. Frequency of play will obviously effect anyone’s progress. Other than that, I can’t account for the changes. I haven’t had any instruction to speak of that I can point to on the chart. I became a non-smoker in April, but would that make any difference? I could point out that I started competing in May, but who’s to say that had any effect? I’ve always been pretty competitive and tend to increase my focus when something is on the line, but that’s not tangible data. I mean, I started blogging in June and having an outlet to share my passion might have had an effect, too, but we can’t really point to that either. Or can we?

I keep expecting my progress to level off like the rest of the golfers I know. What will be my magic number before I have to take drastic measures (anything other than just playing more) to jump start my development? Or should I take a proactive stance and just plot out a chart for my future now to include lessons, a new fitness plan, a commitment to range time and all that good stuff? I know I should… maybe I could even increase my rate of improvement if I did rather than watch it level off and stagnate before I take action. I was thinking about getting lessons from a local pro that has friends and relatives in my club and social circle. But I just found out he won the Big Break reality show so he’ll probably be off on tour or something or at the very least out of my price range. Besides, I think I’d want more of a long term coach than an instructor for a series or two of lessons.

Anyway, I think I need to launch some kind of action plan and the ideas keep brewing in my head. So stay tuned!

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