We played at the local pitch n putt where he actually has a decent shot of besting me on any given day. (Sorry about today, Ron, golf is hard. And cruel. Welcome to it.)

During the round, I tweeted this “action pic” and expressed my delight over the multifunctional brilliance of the fabulous tool.

Turns out I’m not the only one who thought the little gadget was actually a fantastic idea and a necessity for any drinker with a golfing habit. Some folks expressed interest on the twitters so I figured it might be nice to provide some more info, and here it is.

Save the Greens, Save the Tatas

That’s right, finally that same simple tool you keep in your pocket while you play golf does more than just repair your ball marks. It also opens your bottles. I was never that clever MacGyver type who could deftly pop a bottle top with my lighter, and now that I don’t carry one that’s not even an option to struggle with when needed.

I get a lot of funky golf gadgets but this one actually spends rounds in my pocket. I love it. It’s called a Turf Key.

Repair your ball mark, open your beer, and contribute to a good cause when you opt for the pretty Pink Turf Key For a Cure.

Still not handy enough? Don’t forget you can always use a tool like this to rest your club on so your grip doesn’t get wet. Or even stick your cigar in there while you putt. Oh, how about cleaning your cleats? So much usefulness in such a simple design! To make it even handier, there’s a hole at the end so you can attach it to your key chain if you want to show off your golf nerdiness everywhere you go.

The cute little tool also comes in other colors like blue, yellow and standard silver, with or without the bottle opener (although I can’t imagine why you wouldn’t want that option for the same low price).

The same company also makes the patent pending “Tri-Tee.” I keep forgetting to try this little bugger but I maybe now that I’m writing this I will think of it my next time out! It certainly seems like an interesting “zero friction” idea. If you’ve tried it, please let me know what you think.

You can get all these items for yourself on the Turf Key website, and they also have low wholesale pricing, racks and it looks like a nice POP display if you want to sell them in your shop.

This type of situation can probably only happen with a physical problem like I was having. Recently, I experienced a strange problem a few times which was particularly frustrating and baffling.  I even asked my favorite golf pro about it and got no resolution (apparently it’s useful to actually SEE the swing). What was happening was, I’d be going along fine (thankfully it had only happened during practice) and all of a sudden, my irons started freaking out, spitting balls out to the right in that S-word fashion or worm burning or I was topping it. The only consistent thing about the results was the ugliness. Every swing. No matter how I slowed it down or shortened my swing to get it back. So maddening!

Each time, I felt my club turn in my hands and saw it finish completely rotated forward in my grip. I’ve had grip and hand problems before, but these times were not pain related, nor was I having those pesky hand spasms (thankfully that has not happened lately - knock on wood). So I’d give it a good death grip and STILL the club would turn, twisting my glove all up and looking disgusting at the finish! I couldn’t stand it!

Always Gets Worse Before it Gets Better

I got good and mad and, knowing from experience this was a problem exclusive to my irons, I “hammer timed” a bunch of 3 woods and drivers for some good old fashioned anger management. I’m a huge fan of range therapy. It’s so soothing to watch that ball fly long and far after POUNDING it. Unnngh! (Also works for my alter ego, The Gun Chick, on a different range). Aaannnyway…

It occurred to me that since I’ve been working on a flatter swing with my long sticks but not my irons, maybe that had something to do with the problem only happening there. Then I thought of a bunch of other tips I’d heard on certain problems (including but not limited to mine) and my problem just kept getting worse.

I got so frustrated, I resorted to erasing all ideas, tips, etc., and trying to come up with my own idea, somehow.

The Breakthrough Aha Moment

I looked at my hands on the club in the finishing position and thought “how did that happen?” So I decided to reverse engineer the problem. I slowly moved the club back and forth, trying to figure what could possibly cause it to end up in that position in my hands, what kind of impact, and what position. I experimented. Not this, not that… until I had the impact. And what could cause that kind of fucked up impact? Backing up from there in the same kind of experiment, I realized that could only happen if I brought the club over the top (no, I wasn’t trying to emulate Tiger’s latest practice swing, so poop if you were thinking that). Once I had that, I was able to make the necessary adjustments and get my swing back to working condition. Instantly. What a relief!

I’ve been working very hard - pretty much on my own - on the rest of my swing changes and it’s finally starting to feel pretty comfortable despite some snags like this. I could trace the roots of the mental process that caused this particular problem but that might cause me to put those bad ideas back in my head. Sorry I am unwilling to do that for your benefit at this point. That’s also the reason I haven’t shared as much about my swing and game progress with you as I probably should have. It has been much more of a painful struggle than I ever thought it would be, and sharing that only leads to multiple external opinions/distractions that only make it harder. I even had to stop reading tips and magazines and listening to “experts” no matter their esteem or size of audience. I occasionally seek out specific ideas and try to implement where I can, but for the most part, they only serve to derail me.

It definitely got waaaayyyy worse before it got better. Actually, it hasn’t gotten better from before I began the process of changing just yet, but it’s finally starting to get better from the total breakdown that occurred when I really embraced the process and stopped reverting to my old swing. I am hopeful. And I think I might be close to officially Christening my new swing with a name of its own.

What’s your latest breakthrough? Where did it come from? Does help help?

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My dearest Golf,

These last four years we have spent together have been amazing. I know we’ve had our ups and downs, but even when we struggle, I remain confident that we’re made for each other. I know you have had people leave you, but no matter how you frustrate me, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to walk away. I watch as your other lovers come and go (and return again) and I want you to know that I fully support and even encourage you to flirt with, seduce, and stimulate as many people as possible. It’s only right that I share what you have to offer with the world, so I will now express the reasons I endeavor to be with you as much as possible

Things I love about you

I love our open relationship. When I’m feeling intimate, I can have you all to myself. I can bring along a trio of friends and you’re always willing. You even introduce me to new and passionate partners I wouldn’t have otherwise met.

I love how you keep challenging me. Every time I’m with you, I learn something new about you. You’re always making me try out new positions and putting me in situations that make me use my equipment in interesting ways. From sandy lies to punch shots to controlled strokes or a full swing, you keep my interest fresh and keen from the first hole to the last every time.

I love the places we go. You have taken me all across the country and beyond, showing me gorgeous locations along the way. I have savored serene landscapes and seascapes I would never have known but for you. Along with our numerous public exhibitions, we have shared moments in romantic settings and private getaways from the mountains to the beaches and everywhere in between. The familiarity and comfort of home will always be there but I know as long as I live you will never run out of new destinations for us to share.

I love the way you keep me coming back for more. With you, I know things will never get stale. We never play a round quite the same way twice. When I have an off day or I’m feeling down about my performance, you always find just the right way to encourage me, from your bad boy act of kicking me while I’m down and making me want to prove something to reminding me just how great a pure shot feels. Each time we’re together, there’s always the opportunity to score better than the last, or even reach a new personal best. No matter how long we’re together or how good I get, that will always be the case. You also know just how to tease me. You penalize me for going out of bounds but I know you secretly enjoy it. The way you taunt me with possibilities is an exhilarating turn-on. After 15 holes of bliss and I feel I’m on the brink of something extraordinary, you throw me off course and make me endure a few extra strokes before I finish, knowing I’ll try that much harder next time. You even indulged my fantasy of holing out with a single stroke. I remember it well. Back when I’d only known you for 6 months, you gave me that thrill not once, but twice in the same week. Some people spend their whole relationship with you without ever having that pleasure. How do you choose who to favor with that luck, you devilish lothario? I feel special to be in such an elite group and no matter what happens we’ll always have that between us.

Dear Golf, thank you for understanding and even promoting obsession rather than seeking a restraining order. You have many more qualities that fuel my passion, but I’ll just leave you with one final thought: I’ve never met anyone who doesn’t love your gear.

Forever yours,

Kristen

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If you can capture it in a photo, you can put it on a ball marker. Well, Photo Ball Marker can for you! Simply upload your photos and you can have an amazing set of ball markers and you can customize the gift to include a magnetic hat clip, necklace, brooch, divot tool or keychain! So they go well beyond the golf course, you see!

Holidays are coming up so get creative! Kids, pets, other family members, places, logos, keepsakes and memories… you’re not limited by much if you can use your imagination!

Above are some of the fabulous ball markers I’ve gotten from PBM. The necklace pictured is my own magnetic necklace, not sold by PBM but they do sell some beautiful styles of their own. One thing I really like is that the back of the ball markers have that handy arrow for when you have to move your marker out of someone else’s putting line. You simply flip over your marker and point the arrow in the direction you need to move it back to your spot so you don’t forget. Always a nice feature of a ball marker, in my opinion!

If you haven’t already clicked off this page to go shopping at PBM, happy holidays and happy shopping!

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What is par? The American Heritage Dictionary defines par as “an amount or level considered to be average” or in sports usage “the number of golf strokes considered necessary to complete a hole or course in expert play.”

How – or more to the point, why – did a word meaning average get morphed into expert when it pertains to golf? Experts in golf are a tiny fraction of the golfing population. The rest of us are left struggling to achieve such a high standard which is, perhaps, one of golf’s addictive properties. But does it even have any relevance?

Why do golf holes and golf courses have numbers set for par? Whether par on a hole is 3, 4 or 5, if you shoot 5, your score is still 5. And if your total score for 18 holes is 85, does it really matter if par is 70 or 72? You know if 85 is a good score for you or not. Aren’t personal goals more relevant than par? I guess par can be a good reference point when setting your own goals. For example, if you’re playing a long or tricky “par 4” hole, you might be happy to make a 5 or 6 there. I know some people set their own personal pars that might be equal to an “official” bogey or double bogey on any given hole. So what difference does par make to the average (not par) golfer?

According to the USGA, any hole measuring 400 yards or longer is a par 5 for women, regardless of what the scorecard states. If the scorecard lists a hole at 425 yards as a par 4 and a male and a female both shoot a 4, she gets to feel better about it and consider it a birdie? Yawn. At the end of a round, my score is still what it is so who cares? Handicap calculations are based on the USGA course and slope ratings for both genders from a given set of tees and the formula doesn’t consider par. In fact, the USGA offers a formula for determining the Bogey Rating of a course and recommends that “every golfer worse than a scratch” use it as a “truer yardstick of the challenge.”

I recently played a course with my boyfriend and we both played from the same set of tees at 6575 yards. Here is an example of the Bogey Rating in action:
Him: Slope Rating (121) divided by 5.381 (set value for men), plus the Course Rating (69.0) = Target score of 91.48. Actual score: 88
Me: Slope Rating (138) divided by 4.24 (set value for women), plus the Course Rating (75.2) = Target score of 107.74. Actual score: 100

*Interesting side note: if I use the men’s ratings with the women’s set value or the women’s ratings with the men’s set value, the result is much closer to my actual score.

I have my own, more precise calculator that uses my actual handicap index rather than just a standard bogey golfer index and it gave me a target score of 94, so the 100 I shot was 6 over. Greg’s target would have been 83 so his 88 was 5 over.

On the scorecard, par is 72, but there are 4 “par 4” holes from these tees longer than 400 yards which adds four more strokes to par for women for a 76. If we compared our scores to par instead of our targets, I would have been 24 over and Greg would have been 16 over. Like many golfers of our skill levels (our indices only differ by 2.3), he actually does compare his score to par. I just don’t see the point.

Considering that most golfers aren’t experts, if we’re going to put par on a card, shouldn’t we also list some kind of a bogey golfer par? Since par is synonymous with average, Par could be the higher number for the average player target score and the lower number that is currently called par could be called Expert Target Score (ETS).

In golf, there is nothing average about par.

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