I’m told he’s not mentally disabled, so I guess Johnny Miller is fair game. With all the incredible action yesterday, it was irritating to have to listen to his nonsense. Rather than muting the telecast, I decided to document some of his gems. Some are listed by readers in this previous post, but here are some examples of his “brilliance” from Sunday at the US Open:
The nonstop comparison of himself to Tiger because of their similar knee surgeries: “I can relate to everything Tiger’s going through right now.” (Riiiiiight. There’s his delusional perspective at work.)
“Four par” (meaning a par 4 hole, not four par scores)
On what shots Tiger should hit all day: “If he plays the hook, he’s just another player.” (Uh, if he plays the hook, he’s probably an amateur. Do you mean draw?)
and… Johnny decided Tiger should be playing his power cut shots all day since they’ve been working best. (this shortly after we hear that the shot that hurts Tiger the worst is the cut, especially the power one since he snaps his left knee.)
On a random 6-foot putt: “These are the ones you gotta make if you wanna win.” (not the 4 footers, the 12 footers, the 2 footers, the approach shots or anything else?)
On a putt that didn’t break into the hole: “It stayed up there for some reason” (wonder what that reason is?)
On a shot decision with a poorly timed telestrator accompaniment: Lots of bumbling words followed by “he was playing the shot that would go this way” (are you sure he’s not mentally disabled?)
I’m recording the playoff so I’ll update this with any gems I pluck from today’s broadcast once I watch it (trying desperately not to hear the score!).
Update: From Monday’s playoff round
Talking about how “sole-ing” the club in chunky lies rather than keeping the club level at the ball for chips from the rough is the “biggest mistake I see from professional golfers.” (as though if he were still a player, he wouldn’t make this mistake and since it’s the most common, he’d be better than they are)
On the third hole after Rocco almost aced it and Tiger was in the bunker: “I had a feeling he was gonna make a 2 there when Tiger was buried.” (cocky blowhard now thinks he has ESP)
Talking about how Tiger made a bunch of one-putts then missed some “I sorta jinxed him.” (cocky blowhard thinks he has that power as well)
Constantly giving advice as to how caddies should interact with their players. For example – yesterday he suggested if he were Stevie, he’d be more forceful with Tiger’s club decisions off the tees. And today, saying if he were Rocco’s caddie he would have pumped him up by telling him to take advantage of the second par 3 when Tiger was in trouble. (Give me a break – these guys have relationships with their players and know exactly how to work with them.)
After the 18th hole when they were on their way to the 7th tee for sudden death, he said he was shocked that Tiger ate and drank as much as he did before going back to play: “It’s not always good to eat so much.” (Again – give me a break. Like Tiger doesn’t know his own body well enough to balance his own pH levels.)
Johnny – do you get paid by the word? Why do these people keep hiring him? Yes, he was announcing during the ESPN portion of the coverage as well as NBC. The only reason I can think is that the other announcers insist that he’s there alongside them so that they’ll appear brilliant by comparison.
Care to share some of your favorites? Please do!
Next post.
All is right with the Universe
Moving on… 
Things I Have in Common with Michelle Wie
There aren’t many, I admit, but there are a few. I also admit that while I’m glad for many of the things we don’t have in common, I sure wish I had her potential in golf. That said, here’s what we do share:
I think that about covers it.
Photo by Ashley Mayo. Check out her live blogging from the Women’s US Open to read about the putting drill pictured and all the US Open action on the Golf For Women Editor’s blog.
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