The Golfchick

That chick blabbing about anything golf related.

Month: April 2008

Tiger Woods has work done, Lorena Ochoa takes the spotlight

Tiger’s website says he underwent “arthroscopic knee surgery” last week and will be out 4-6 weeks while he rehabilitates.

Translation (from internal memo):

Worn part #52a92J replaced in subject Gpr8#kl2. Actual time out of commission: 5.8 Earth minutes. Cover story issued to handlers. “Arthroscopic knee surgery” often requires 4-6 weeks of rehabilitation time in actual humans, therefore subject and handlers may use this as justification for not participating in several undesirable events as well as recent loss at the human revered “Masters.”

This “down time” and distraction allows us to focus on our internal reorganization and determine how best to assign our assets between subjects Gpr8#kl2 and Bw8^p4m. For those not previously involved in subject Bw8^p4m’s development and assimilation, we gave it a human female form with Mexican heritage and call it “Lorena Ochoa.” You will receive further information if you are transitioning to this case.

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Golfing with the Stars

John Elway, George Brett, Ozzie Smith, Ladanian Tomlinson, Dr. J, Mario Lemieux – these are just some of the professional athletes who will be competing in the Team Challenge. It’s a charity golf tournament like no other. Fans actually get to participate by virtually coaching the all-star team of their choice and having money contributed to the charities just for doing it. Star players from professional football, baseball, basketball and hockey will be competing against one another for bragging rights and dollars for charity. $250,000 that is, that you can actually make grow.

I grew up in Colorado, so I have a binding contract to be a loyal Denver Broncos fan for life. I adore John Elway. When I was growing up there, the Colorado Rockies didn’t exist, and the first professional baseball game I saw was as a teenager on a traveling softball team and we went to Kansas City. I remember giggling with the girls as we worshiped George Brett’s butt from our seats so close to third base it probably made him uncomfortable. Personal connections aside, I will be in awe as I watch so many talented athletes I admire take on the Eagle Falls Golf Course in Palm Springs.

Okay, so maybe I won’t actually be golfing with them, but if all goes well with my schedule, I’ll be there. Unless some wise corporation needs a fourth in the pro-am, that is. *blink blink*

Other golf bloggers will be there as well, and you can read more about that and other details of the event in my post on Swing Thoughts at Golf For Women.

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Duh… what’s a birdie?

You have probably encountered people who work at golf courses who don’t know the first thing about golf. Do you care?

If they have any kind of impact on the course of play, of course they should know about golf. Course attendants or marshals need to know how things work to do their jobs effectively. Pro shop workers need to be able to assist golfers when necessary. The cart girl needs to understand etiquette out there but does she need to know anything else? What about 19th hole workers?

I have talked with some people about this and opinions vary. Some guys I’ve talked to don’t care as long as the person in question is a hot chick. Some actually want them to know as little as possible because they think they’re more likely to impress them if they’re golf dumb. Some feel the opposite – “the more they know, the better I’ll look.” Some like a cute, giggly “what’s a birdie” question so they have an in to chat with her. Some like to make golf small talk with the bartender as s/he’s pouring their pre-round bloody mary.

What do you think? Here’s a quick poll to let your opinion be heard.

Poll Closed. Thanks for voting!

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A Blasphemous Look at The Masters

Forgive me, but I enjoy watching The Masters.

When most people think of watching a program as a guilty pleasure, they think American Idol or Dancing with the Stars. For me, it’s The Masters. I’m sure not too many people are ashamed to say they enjoy the tournament, and saying that I am ashamed won’t make me very popular in the golf community. But not admitting it would be like hearing a racist or sexist joke among a group and politely smiling instead of speaking up.

I don’t know of another tournament that could make a male player publicly cry when they lose (like Brandt Snedeker did yesterday). It’s an important event – perhaps the most important in the history of golf. There is glory in its tradition. But in this modern world in which women are allowed to vote and everything, does there come a time when glory becomes glorification? When will sexist traditions become part of that “rich history” along with the racist ones and not present policy? Changing the way things are done doesn’t discount existing history, it only enriches future history books.

I respectfully disagree with anyone who thinks discriminatory practices should continue in order to “preserve the honor and tradition” of the course and/or the event. In my opinion, entry to the tournament should be earned based on merit. Entry to the club should still be at the discretion of the members. And though there may not be many (if any) women who meet those qualifications today, they should not be summarily disallowed as a group.

In my latest post at Swing Thoughts on Golf For Women, I discuss my feelings on this further, with particular focus on Augusta National’s policies.

Please feel free to leave your comments. I may or may not respond.

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Ridiculous Rory misses the mark at The Masters

I know, I know… The Masters is still going on and is engaging as all get out with Tiger making a charge today, the first day’s leader (Justin Rose) plummeting to near the bottom of the leaderboard, and 3 players at the top of the leaderboard each with three solid rounds under par. And what do I write about? Ridiculous Rory Sabbatini.

He missed the cut – so much for “breaking the curse” after winning the par 3 contest. Fortunately, that means we don’t get treated to a weekend of ridiculous belt buckles. Yesterday’s gem not only had no place at Augusta, it has no place on Rory. I’m sorry, I just think he’s incapable of pulling off this “style” he’s been attempting. His entire persona seems affected, and his choice in apparel seems out of place on him. Geoff Shackelford made a good call back at Riviera: Rory: Liberace called, he wants his belt buckle back.

Lord knows I’m no fashionista, but I like to think I know what I can pull off and what I can’t. Rory looks as ridiculous in his piped trousers, loud colors, flashy belt buckles and tiny visors as I would in booty shorts and knee socks, and a cocky strut doesn’t change that for either of us. I could stuff a potato into a G.I. Joe outfit, name him Paolo, give him a mysterious back-story and a sympathetic and intriguing character image, and he’d still look like a spud in doll’s combat clothes.

Whether his duds are his own choices or if someone else is dressing him (I find that hard to believe), it certainly has gotten him attention. If that was the whole point, congratulations. But if he wanted that attention to be positive – another missed cut.

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Beware the passive-aggressive sandbagger

You know the cheating scumbags when you see them. The ones who intentionally post higher scores or conveniently “forget” to post their low scores. The obvious techniques to pad handicaps and gain extra strokes in competitions are easy to spot. But what about the passive-aggressive cheaters?

There is a sneakier behavior I only recently noticed. Perhaps there’s a weasel in your midst. Is there a person in your club who consistently plays better than his or her handicap in tournaments? Maybe you even play casual rounds with them or witness them entering accurate scores after rounds. They can look you in the eyes and be sincere when they say they post every score, count every stroke and vigilantly apply Equitable Stroke Control. You (and they) are comfortable in their honesty because they actually are truthful statements. So where is the sneakiness? Out on the golf course during casual rounds. They play enough to keep their games sharp, so as soon as they realize they’re not setting any personal bests in a round, they get intentionally lazy. They don’t focus or try their best to make putts. Flub a chip here, slice a drive there. Their scores become inflated and the score they post at the end of the round is technically accurate but not indicative of their actual abilities.

But why be aware of this when there is really nothing you can do about it? How can you “call out” a person when you have no proof of their intentions out there? All you can hope for is that your handicap chairman recognizes it and audits the person’s index. Adjustments can be made at that level such as attaching more weight to rounds (giving them T-score ratings) or even manually changing a course handicap for tournament play.

Maybe if they know you’re onto them, they’ll be guilted into changing their behavior. Everyone knows an obvious sandbagger and they probably get harassed about it, but the crafty weasels with the passive-aggressive techniques deserve their share of ribbing as well.

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No bogeys, no yips? Just zombies and drips.

I think we can all agree it would be amazing to play a round of golf with our favorite professional. They might even relax a little and have a fun, light-hearted round. But to see them on tour is a different story. Calm, cool, and in some cases, even zombie-like, professional golfers mean business out there. They have to – it is their business.

If you could take a pill that would make you perform at that staid level, it might enhance your score. But would it enhance your day? This is the topic of discussion on my latest post over at Swing Thoughts on Golf For Women, which followed an interesting (and perhaps provocative) story by John Cassidy at Men’s Vogue.

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Pro golf in the Caribbean

Here’s a phrase I don’t use every day: I’m really excited to watch the Champions Tour this weekend.

Why? They’re playing at my happy place, Punta Espada Golf Course at Cap Cana. I absolutely LOVE this golf course and seeing it in play by the seniors is going to be wonderful. If watching it on television is the closest you can get for now as well, I highly recommend checking it out.

I had to amend my TiVo to-do list, as my PGA “wish list” was picking up the regular PGA Tour as well as the European Tour above the Champions since they start earlier.

It’s on The Golf Channel at the following times:
Friday: 1 PM – 3 PM EST
Saturday and Sunday: 1 PM – 4 PM EST

I shot a video at this course when I played there a couple years ago. You can see it here. And here is my original post about my experience there.

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Why don’t the men promote their sexiness?

Whether you like it, hate it, or feel indifferent, many professional female golfers promote their sexiness on their respective tours. And the LPGA certainly doesn’t seem to discourage it.

So why don’t the men do it? Don’t they realize they have many fans attracted to men? There are some seriously sexy players on the PGA Tour, but we just don’t seem to hear too much about that. Sure, we’ll get a rare scantily clad image, but I bet they’re not regarded well by their peers. Ian Poulter’s recent nude photo had its share of negative press. Frankly, while I don’t mind that kind of exposure, I find some of them extremely sexy while fully clothed on the golf course.

The golfers who do get some press about their sexiness are predictable choices, like Adam Scott and Camilo Villegas. Watching the final round of the Zurich Classic of New Orleans this weekend, I couldn’t help but notice a couple others. It doesn’t seem so long ago that I would have been gaga over 26-year old Andres Romero, who sat casually yawning in the clubhouse checking out his i-tunes library on a laptop while waiting to see if he’d be faced with a playoff. Instead, I was gaga over Peter Lonard, the 40-year old on his way in, threatening to be the playoff contender. Admittedly, I haven’t seen too much of him, so I had to wait until he was on 18 and removed his cap to even know if there was hair under there (there is), but I didn’t care. There could be a slightly Costner-esque appeal there, but he just looks like the quintessential golfer to me, and in my mind, that’s sexy. But you won’t see him getting any steamy press. Except, I guess, for here on this blog. If you can call this “press.”

Dear Peter, I’m sorry you didn’t force the playoff. Not only for a chance at winning, but so that I could see more of you. I hope to see more of you atop the … leaderboard in the future, since we all know you won’t get camera time if you’re not.

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