People (still) assume female golfers are lesbians
Random acquaintance: I heard you play golf?
Golf Chick: You heard right.
Random acquaintance: But you’re not gay!
Golf Chick: It’s a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy these days. Shhh.
Random acquaintance: Really?
Golf Chick: *eye roll*
And so it goes. The stereotype of female golfers being lesbians is alive and well. At least among non-golfers and people who don’t really follow the sport. But who really cares about them?:
Golf Chick: You know, the vast majority of professional female golfers are heterosexual. Can you even name a single gay player?
Random acquaintance: How about Billie Jean King?
See what I mean?
It’s no secret that there have been several gay players on the LPGA over the years. I suspect there are several gay players on the PGA Tour as well, though I couldn’t name a single one. If “a few good men” came out to the public, would that build a stereotype of male golfers being gay? Yeah, right. Football, with all its contact and soft core porn sequences couldn’t even sustain that image if a star player or two actually ever came out.
Let’s get serious
Sadly, being gay is still a stigma for professional male athletes. Hell, I think it’s still a stigma for any male, especially with such macho (and purportedly straight) athletic role models, whether or not the gay man actually looks up to them.
Is it still a stigma for women?
That’s difficult for me to answer. I can’t know what it feels like to be a lesbian or whether or not people judge you because of it. I imagine there is still plenty of that going on.
However, I think there is an element of acceptance due to a sexualized society. Guys like the idea of two women together. As long as they’re pretty, of course. And there are plenty of insecure pretty girls who crave the attention of men so much that they will alter their behavior, their actions, their bodies, and their sexual orientation to get it and therefore can’t really be judgmental of lesbians. But that’s qualified tolerance, not acceptance. Personally, I hate that the word “tolerance” is used to describe freedom from bigotry. Who wants to be tolerated?
I think openly gay women are secure with themselves and, while they might appreciate universal acceptance, don’t need it. Just like secure straight women don’t care if they’re assumed to be gay just because they play golf. I know I don’t.
Back to the lighthearted fun
I recently discussed this topic with my friend, Wendy Dexter, who specifically asked to be fully named when I told her I would write about it. She’s a whack-job free-spirited, outspoken, fun character and I love hanging around her. She does not play golf. She does not watch or follow professional golf. Just the perspective I sought.
First, Wendy said she assumed all female golfers were lesbians and that I was the exception.
Then, after more discussion and her giving it more thought, she said she guessed not all female amateurs could be gay, but that she was still certain the pros must be. And that the better amateurs probably are, too. Whaaaa? Then the conversation went something like this (though it wasn’t nearly this streamlined):
Golf Chick: So, the better the golfer, the greater the likelihood she is gay?
Wendy: Exactly.
Golf Chick: Can you be good and not be gay?
Wendy: Probably not. Wait, but you’re not bad, right?
Golf Chick: Only compared to some. So, will you become gay if you improve to a certain level?
Wendy: No, I guess not. But you probably won’t improve that much if you’re not gay.
*another round of drinks is delivered*
Golf Chick: Do you have to be good to be gay?
Wendy: Are we in a “Sex and the City” episode? That sounded like a Carrie question. I can just see you typing this up and then comes the voice over: “Do you have to be good to be gay?” Or “gay to be good?” Whichever, I think you do.
Golf Chick: Can you be gay and be bad at golf?
Wendy: Hmm… probably, you just have a better shot at being good than if you were straight.
Golf Chick: Do you have to be born gay or can you choose it in order to improve your game?
Wendy: Would you?
Golf Chick: If you weren’t f—ing with me and this had any merit, I might really consider it. Greg would probably understand.
But she was only halfway f—ing with me. She actually does assume that female pro golfers are all gay. And, she claims that belief is the majority opinion in the non-golfing community. I tend to believe her because she has more friends and connections in reality than a lot of teens do on Facebook. She’s got the pulse of the community, one could say. I assumed but neglected to ask if that majority opinion includes gay non-golfers. Note to self to follow up.
I went on to explain the current atmosphere of the LPGA Tour and how most of the top players are straight, and that some of them are even adored for their looks, sexy or wholesome.
Wendy was flabbergasted.
For the record, I’m pretty sure Wendy is straight. Though I wouldn’t be surprised if she gave women a try just to be sure. And while the stereotype may have a negative connotation for many believers, it doesn’t for Wendy. She loves everyone.
January 23rd, 2008 at
OK. Now I’m seriously contemplating a change in my sexual orientation.
January 23rd, 2008 at
From what I could tell was going on at the Nabisco last year there are a lot of non-golfing lesbians who also feel that all LPGA Players are lesbians. And I will just leave it with that…
January 23rd, 2008 at
i wouldn’t touch this topic with a pole of any length
January 24th, 2008 at
One of the funniest lines I ever heard at the 19th hole was when I was paying my bets in the cafe with 3 pals. A 4-some of female players (obviously lesbians and very “butch” looking) came in for a beverage.
My pal looks over and says to us, “think our 4-man team could take on their 4-man team?”
January 24th, 2008 at
Can we safely assume that there were fair amounts of adult beverage consumed during the Wendy conversation ??
(if that was a “serious” conversation - isn’t it possible that the male acquaintance was being humorous ?)
Did you consider this in your conversation with Wendy: Is it possible that the perception of women athletes as lesbians comes from the fact that most of them are not married ?
Look at the PGA Tour - nearly all married, and most of the single men on Tour are young and either dating someone or are having a lot of fun with the gallery babes from town to town.
The women don’t have that reputation because the men at LPGA events generally don’t put themselves out the way some women do at the PGA events.
Yes - there ARE lesbians on the LPGA Tour. If you just want to predict that outcome by the percentages, you could draw a fairly safe assumption. I have had the pleasure of caddying for a couple of LPGA members and have had this conversation with them during a round.
On the other hand - does it really matter ?
February 1st, 2008 at
You gotta love blogging. I would never find this in a golf magazine or formal golf website, but it’s more fun than those by far!
The “all female golfers are either wives or lesbians” is just a product of the male golfer’s collective ego protection system. They’re single and aren’t attracted to me? Must be gay — lol.
February 1st, 2008 at
“collective ego protection system”???
I don’t think so. Any single female golfer who isn’t attracted to me would HAVE to be gay.
February 1st, 2008 at
now that’s FUNNY - I don’t care who you are…
February 2nd, 2008 at
Actually golf is one women’s sport where I have not heard the stereotype–I just have a lot of wishful thinking that you might find your true calling:)
One of the big lesbian events of the year is the Dinah Shore Weekend in Palm Springs. It was origninally based on the golf tournament held the same weekend. However, there was no one more hetrosexual than Dianah Shore. There is a story that Dinah encouraged the transformation of the weekend to piss off the PGA over something.
It is not big secret that lesbians are a higher percentage of all women’s sports. But in none are they anywhere near a majority–not basketball and not even softball.
One reason is girls that like girls, enjoy the company of girls. And as a generalization lesbians tend to be tomboyish at heart and enjoy athletics more than straight girls–but again that is just a generalzation–and on both sides of that statement there are enough exceptions to sink a boat.
All sports have gay people in them–including the testosterone obsessed NFL. I am sure there are gay men in professional golf as well.
The stigma against gay men and lesbians is less than it has been in the past. But there is still a stigma, and a reason that many involved in something like professional golf, which finds shorts four inches above the knee to be radical, would hesitate to be open about it.
As far as men getting off on the pretend lesbians mud wrestiling and such. I go back and forth with gay rights people on that. It is a stereotype (however it is one that I like almost as much as the guys:))–but I tend to think that any type of visibility and acceptability is good. As far as objectification and stuff–that doesn’t matter whether it is hetero or gay–it exists–but it is not something that I get excited about, unless I spot some of the dumb young white guys drooling or condemining in misogynistic outrage.
And the girl on girl thing is also attracitve to a lot of women. I have a theory that almost all women have some latent bi tendencies, but hetero guys almost never. Can you imagine a guy saying how cute another guy is? And it is socially acceptable for women to touch, share feelings, etc.
With time I am sure there will be an increasing number of lesbians playing professional golf–and doing it openly. And I really think society and cultue is not going to make all that big of a deal out of it in the end. The times are changing.
~Becky
February 2nd, 2008 at
Becky - Thanks so much for your thoughts on the subject.
Oh and hey - do you play golf?
For more from Becky, check out her great blog:
http://girlinshortshorts.blogspot.com/
February 3rd, 2008 at
Although I am pretty good athletically (mountain climbing world class)–I really stink at golf. I always have thought it would be fun, and have tried it, but I am pathetic.
Maybe someday I will have some time to really concentrate on it, take some lessons, etc.
Now if some golf chick could teach me…LOL:)
~Becky